If you have known me for more than a few weeks you know I never intended on being a “prolife activist”. I moved to Nashville TN 2 years ago to write and record music. People know me as a musician, that’s who I’ve always been, and it’s who I still am.
But the last few months I have shifted some focus from my own music career to doing prolife activism completely on accident and to the surprise of many….so I wanted to share the incredible story of how in the past 4 months my life has totally changed.
In order to tell you how this all happened I have to share some personal information that some of you may not know.
I want you to know I didn’t keep any of this from you because your not worthy of knowing. The things I’ve been experiencing are extremely difficult and emotional and I want to keep the pains I’ve been feeling from anyone I can. So if you’re learning any of this for the first time please understand why I’ve chosen not to share it until now.
I’ve always been prolife. I’ve always wanted to be a mom. I’ve always loved babies.
In August 2014 I had surgery for severe ovarian pain and learned my chances to conceive were less than 8%. We started looking into options like adoptions and ARTs.
In May 2015 I had a second surgery and we learned I had 0% chance of natural conception.
I have stage 3 endometriosis and DTO (distal tubal occlusion) meaning my fallopian tubes aren’t tubes, they are completely closed with scar tissue, more like solid sticks than tubes. No reason, just a rare condition I’ve had since birth, it was nothing I or anyone else did so there is nothing I or anyone else can do to change it.
I could attempt IVF but my religious perspectives don’t line up with those believes and because of my condition my chance of success would be less than minuscule.
About 4 weeks post 2nd surgery my husband and I were contact by a woman who was seeking parents for her unborn baby.
In June 2015 we had our first adoption attempt. I say attempt because obviously, it didn’t work out. Legal reasons and uncertainty on some things from the other end of the line led to us not being successful in bringing home a child. It was only a few weeks of thinking she would be mine before it ended but those few weeks felt like what I imagine early pregnancy feeling like. So I know it’s not the same but it almost feels like a miscarriage in a way. I had a baby coming and then bam I didn’t. The joy the hope and plans for our future together we’re just over instantly.
I’m broken hearted I don’t get to be her mom.
So…all that crazy baby drama pushed me over the edge. I made a random Twitter account just to vent my frustration about infertility, adoption, and women killing the children I would die to have.
Almost over night I had 100 followers. The next day 200 and it’s been growing and growing. I’m well over a thousand just on Twitter alone now in just a few weeks.
I started my tweets a few weeks before the recent Planned Parenthood scandal broke so I saw what was happening and thought I’d volunteer to lead a women betrayed rally in my town. I didn’t think much of it. More than a hundred people came, news crews and print media were there.
I offered to help out with the next protest that happened a few weeks later and there was over 500 people there. I had people I didn’t even know stop me and say “oh hey your that prolife wife girl!”
My phone is going off non stop with calls, emails, and social media messages.
People are asking me for advice and direction.
I was personally invited to and attended a real legislative hearing on abortion with congresswomen by my side.
I’ve had some of the biggest names in Christian writing and prolife work follow my accounts and blogs.
I have people asking me to write prolife articles for their websites and newsletters.
And all I did was start a Twitter account to tweet my frustration away.
THAT is how I know I am meant to be doing this.
I have spent years pushing other social media accounts and trying to get people to take my calls.
I have done zero to promote my prolife work and I can’t stop it from growing. And I don’t want too!
I know that God has me doing this on purpose. And I told everyone as my dreams of being a mom were falling apart that God has a plan for me. I am not an accident. GOD CAN HEAL ME if he wanted too, I chose to believe he had better reasons to keep me from my own child and I was right.
If I wasn’t forever infertile I wouldn’t have the passion for the unborn that I have today.
I value life so much more knowing I can’t create it. Now I see every conception as a miracle and that is the prolife mentality.
When the adoption fell apart I was of course devastated but kept believing Gods plan is bigger than mine. Our would be baby girl was born this past week. I got to see her picture and she is beautiful. As much as I wish it all worked out and she was here with me now, I know that if the adoption was successful my time and energy would have been spent preparing for her instead of speaking out for all the babies like I’ve been free to do. Our recent prolife work in Nashville has stopped women from aborting their children. The work I am doing is saving lives.
If I had my own child I don’t think I would be able to do what I’m doing.
I can’t have babies but I can save babies!!!
Who knew?!?!?! God knew!
I haven’t forgotten my love for music. I have every intention of using my voice for the voiceless, and if you’ve heard me sing, you know I have a big voice!
Now I can take the position I have from onstage and use my time in front of people to really make a difference for life.
And I want you all to know I am comfortable talking about my situation. No question is stupid and you can always ask me anything. I know not everybody understands infertility or adoption or prolife activism and if my pain and experiences can help you grow in anyway please don’t hesitate to talk to me. Many people shy away from me because they don’t know what to say but I’m telling you any words are better than no words. I am totally open about my infertility and will not be offended if you feel the need to inquire about it. This is my life and I’m not ashamed of it so please feel comfortable talking to me, it’s okay!
I didn’t mean for any of this to happen, but I would think most would agree that God definitely meant for it to happen.
I never intended on being a prolife activist but now that God has so clearly led me to it I could never walk away. I may never be a mom but I will always be a Prolife wife!