The Balance Between Condemning And Coddling.


A few months ago I put out a blog post that included responses from post abortive women. I shared what I learned from their experiences and admitted to unfairly judging post abortive women in the past.
The blog got mixed reactions but that is usual when I mention post abortive women or women currently seeking abortion. Some people thought I wasn’t compassionate enough while others thought I wasn’t harsh enough. It made it clear to me that the prolife community is still fighting to find the balance between condemning women’s actions and coddling women who’s actions are inhumane.

Let’s be honest, it’s 2017, women know that pregnancy means baby and abortion means ending pregnancy, thus ending baby. If they didn’t want to terminate a child’s life why would a woman seek an abortion in the first place?
(Note the word seek, I’m not referencing forced abortion in this post)
So it is fair to say women who have one or more abortions are involved in killing their child. That’s just the scientific fact of abortion. I’m not condemning women who have had an abortion by speaking the facts about abortion. We can’t sugar coat things when innocent lives are being taken. That’s why I am one of those Prolifers who doesn’t have an issue admitting that people responsible for aborting their child are in some way comparable to a murderer.
This doesn’t mean I do not have compassion for post abortive or abortion vulnerable women. This simply means I am willing to accept and speak honestly about what truly happens in an abortion. If abortion is truly wrong as we say it is we must be willing to accept the fact that those who have one are also wrong. I believe God is merciful and can forgive any sin including abortion but before someone can be forgiven they must admit their sin and seek that forgiveness. If we do nothing but try to make post abortive women feel better or forget what they did we aren’t helping them. And we aren’t helping our cause. If there is no repercussion for killing a child than we should just stop trying to end abortion right now. If we want to end the killing we must first admit that the people who sought out (and the person who performed) the abortion are killers. I will not stop speaking the truth to avoid making an abortion seeker feel less guilty about what they have done. That is not my job. If they don’t want to feel the guilt and shame of what they chose to do than they need to seek that healing and forgiveness from God but I will not stop speaking the truth that abortion is murder and those who are involved in it are guilty of committing the most evil of acts.
I will not coddle you just because you chose to end your child’s life.

On the flip side we need to remember that women DO seek forgiveness and healing and when that shift happens we need to be willing to accept them with open arms and hearts. We do not need to constantly remind post abortive women of what they have done, trust me they know.
We also need to remember that our words matter when speaking to abortion vulnerable women. Yes a woman going into a PPFA clinic on a surgery day is there to murder her child but screaming “murderer” as she walks from the car to the clinic will not stop her from getting an abortion. If we are overly aggressive in how we point out what abortion is and what it does to the bodies and spirits of all involved nobody will want to stop and listen. Offering a woman the truth via resources or offering support through pregnancy and parenting is a much more effective way of reaching abortion vulnerable women than shoving bloody photos in their face while calling them mean names and acting superior to them. Same goes for post abortive women. We can have an honest conversation where we admit that yes, she in fact was responsible for hiring a hit man for her child, but that doesn’t mean she needs to remain in that place. Be honest but be ready to help lead women to forgiveness and healing after that step of admitting the truth happens. After the acceptance and forgiveness of what she did there is no reason to ever refer to that woman as a murderer again because she is no longer a murderer, she is now a forgiven mother of a child taken to soon. She will never undo what she had done but she doesn’t need us to beat guilt into her heart, she needs us to love her as she is accepting the truth, finding forgiveness, and moving forward.

There is a balance between condemning and coddling. It’s not WHAT we say, it’s HOW we say it. We can speak honestly and say abortion seekers are guilty of murder but if we say it with love and compassion and not hate or malice it makes a world of difference.

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